A Blessing in Disguise!

When my day job asked me to move to Texas, I immediately declined. And now I am unemployed save a part-time job editing essays.

So I’m really happy, because now I have more free time to study for the GREs and LSATs (and begin tutoring them in the next month or two). Once I get my tutoring on track, I’ll be able to move out.

Baby steps. I think I was so overwhelmed by it all that I jumped at the chance to do anything that would make me money but also allow some flexibility. Unfortunately, my former day job did not offer enough money nor flexibility (haha).

And one of my oldest friends from acting school has written a role for me in her newest film. It’s hilarious and we’re going to workshop it for a second time next week. Very happy about this.

Anyway, just a quick little update to affirm that I’m slowly but surely getting back on track. And I can’t wait until the pieces begin to fall into place. It’s going to feel so good!

Frustration + Scheming to Get Back on Track

Ughhh, I left school and now I find myself way off track.  I haven’t been acting.  I have a day job now.  I thought would give me flexible hours, but it doesn’t.  It doesn’t even pay me enough to move out.  The people are nice and the work is easy enough, but I just feel so far off from where I want to be.  I feel so restless and empty and almost hopeless.

I saw some of my theater friends a few days ago, and now I’m going to get back on the path.  First, I’m going to enroll in one or two summer classes in technique and scene study.  Next, I’m going to study for the GREs and LSATs.  Tutoring the SATs as a survival job was a half-baked idea, because it simply does not pay enough to live.  More advanced test prep, specficially for the LSATs pays a lot more.  I’ve also applied to edit essays for a company that pays well, in addition to the company for which I currently edit essays (but it’s been off-season).  Maybe even RE, but I need to do more research for that.

Got accepted to one of the schools to which I had applied during winter, but couldn’t afford to attend :(

New Year – Almost on my merry way!

Well, a very belated HAPPY NEW YEAR to everyone!

It’s final exam time here, so I will write this quickly.  Once I’m done with school, I keep telling myself, I will finally have enough free time to update this thing on a regular basis.  Whew.

Onwards…
– I auditioned for a conservatory in NYC in late December.  The audition went okay, not as well as I’d hoped.  I probably won’t be able to attend without a scholarship.  I feel like I probably got in but without any scholarship.  Of course, I’m probably being over-confident.  I just hope, in the very least, that I got in!

Also, I am tempted to reveal its name, but I think I am going to institute a new policy in this blog.  I’ve been following it for the most part, but now I’m going to write it down.  In the interest of not dwelling on the negative, I won’t name any names unless it reflects something positive in my acting career.  Furthermore, since I’m still building up the basis for my career (ie I’m not completely out there just yet devoting all my time to it, because I’m not done with school), I want to keep everything as anonymous as possible.  Just for my peace of mind.

– PA final scene = went wonderfully.  The best part about the PA professor is that he doesn’t hide his feelings.  If he’s disappointed with your work, you can see it on his face and hear it in his voice as he tries to give you helpful direction.  Conversely, if he’s happy with your work, you can tell right away and he will offer sincere compliments.  The latter occurred.  I was so relieved.  I bumped into him on the street the next day, and he not only said hi, but he remembered my name.  I guess that sounds silly, but since he’s kind of a big deal, he was absent for about half of our class working on something else.  Also, the class was fairly large, so we weren’t really a tight-knit group.  Anyway.  That was good.  The end.

– AA final monologue = blah.  I had trouble finding material, and I wasn’t in love with what I did.  Always bad.  The professor said that I should have chosen a stronger character instead of a vulnerable one, because I’m short and it already seems like I could do “vulnerable” given my size.  So something more feisty would be more effective, is what I understood him to say.  He kept referring to the Mamet scene I had done in September in a complimentary manner, which freaked me out, because shouldn’t I have improved from the beginning of the semester?  I’m flattered he loved my work then, but I wish I’d done a better job with the monologue or chosen a different one to show progress.  Also, I think I did well on every scene except the last, because I found Beckett so difficult.  And then not so great on the monologue.  On a positive side, he said that I’m a very economical actor, always believable, and that my gestures in the monologue were very meaningful and helped its intensity.  This is a personal feat, since I had been told in the past that I needed to work on my gestures.  The best part about it is that I had really been in the moment, and the gestures grew out of that.  So, great.

– Headshots!  I got new ones taken yesterday.  I really took a chance on this one.  I had them done in New England by professional photographers who are still looking to increase their business.  Good:  They were very willing to accommodate my needs.  The makeup artist was late, and they were cool with staying more than an hour longer than planned for the shoot.  They let me borrow a shirt for a third look and offered many great suggestions to help me look my best in how I wanted to come across in the photos.  Since they’re in New England, they weren’t too expensive.  Bad:  I’m pretty broke, so it was still a sizable hit to my bank account.    Okay, so they mainly do weddings.  I had to explain fundamental actor headshot rules to them (but they were willing to listen to, learn about, and implement my requests).  The makeup artist made me look too old, I think.  I usually look like a teenager, but I think I looked 20-something.  The photographers were so happy with the shoot (and eager to show their work), that a few hours later they posted a retouched image on their blog.  Bad for my google presence!  The picture is okayyy. I know that this isn’t the final product for me.  This was just for them to help promote their work.  I’m okay with that, I think.  I’ll get my photos in a week.  Hopefully, at least one or two good ones will help me book projects and find some representation.  Fingers crossed.  And then I’ll update my headshots with an experienced NYC headshot photographer.

– Upcoming:  two MFA auditions.  I feel conflicted about these, because I just want to get started on my career already.  There’s a 2% chance I’ll get into either one, I figure, and they’re two schools I would love to attend.  So… go team!

– Goals.  I need to rework my short- and long-term goals.  I fell a bit behind on the list I’d made over the summer.  More on goals in the next entry, hopefully!  Meanwhile, I need to study for finals, say my goodbyes, and work on my MFA audition material.  BLAHBLAHBLHABLAH

winter winter winter

Ugh, my laptop keeps acting up.  It’s actually the same thing that happened with my old laptop, when I had trouble with the AC adaptor.  I really hope it’s an easy fix this time.  blah.  I’m going to call technical support once I finish this entry.

So I got a job editing essays.  It pays well for what it is but definitely not enough to move out and survive.  For various reasons, I’m having trouble deciding which company to tutor for.

My scene went badly on Tuesday, and it made me sad.  I feel like I’m on a roller coaster.  Some days, I do well and am extremely positive about what I’ve chosen.  Other days, I feel off and am filled with self-doubt.  ugh.

I was supposed to audition for a conservatory yesterday, but the snow made it impossible.  I rescheduled.

I can’t believe that I will leave my school in about a month!!!  I’ve been so busy focusing on the future that I can barely focus on the work that I still have due.  But hopefully, I can enjoy my last few days there.

semester coming to a close (soon)

Ah, so I was feeling pretty down when I made my last post.  But then I had a final presentation of that scene, and it went over very well.  So I was pleased.  Today, I presented another scene that went over well, although I need to work on my tactics.  And it seems as though my Shakespeare monologue went better than I had anticipated.  My professor had written, “there are better monologues” on my text, which made me angry since she had never said anything before today.  But for our final, we had to write anonymous notes critiquing everyone.  The feedback I received was overwhelmingly positive.  I gave someone goosebumps!  If I can continue to stay out of my head and remain in the moment, I will be so happy.

I’m getting scared, because the semester is almost over, meaning I graduate soon.  The reality hasn’t completely set in yet, but I see flashes of it on the horizon.  ahhh!

I still have a final presentation of a scene, a Beckett scene, and a mock-audition with a monologue to work on.

soooo frustrated

I’ve been stuck in my head lately, and it’s driving me crazy.  I feel flat when I know that I need to be more impulsive.  ughhhfdlkjfsa;l

Productivity

My PA scene was okay, but I really must do more work on it, especially physically.  I feel like I’m physically restricted sometimes, which is frustrating.  That said, my AA scene with an external went over better than I had expected.  But now I need to find a scene for the third round and begin work on it ASAP!

There was some drama in the (yes) drama department, when two of the most well-known professors decided to refuse to write rec letters for any undergrad due to their busy schedules.  So that sucks, especially since I have classes with both.  Today, I asked a teaching assistant who has seen my work in two classes (and a little bit in a third one) if she would write a letter for me, and she said she’d love to do that.  So that’s great, but I’m upset about not getting a letter from one professor in particular (AA).  He won’t even write a letter for a classmate who he had cast and directed in a show!

Today, I also scoped out books on auditioning, agents, and the industry/business in general.  I’ve requested a bunch of books from the school library (I’m trying to utilize this resource as much as possible before I graduate in January).  I’ve also been using Paperback swap a lot, which is a great tip for broke people whose libraries have limited resources.  There are some drawbacks, such as the varying condition of the books and a limited variety in general of books (although new ones are added everyday).  I just think it’s a great way to save money.  You pay shipping costs to get something new while you get rid of something old.  Everyone is happy!
I did some more research on schools, and I’m trying to finalize a list.  I don’t knowwww, it’s tough cutting schools out of the list, but I know that I can’t afford to apply to more than just a few.  I want to stay in the NYC area, but I don’t want to limit myself.  Also, I think I should find a coach for my auditions.  I asked one professor from school, but she just started rehearsals for something and is too busy.  Ugh. I need to find one last monologue still.

It’s almost Thanksgiving time!  Here are some Thanksgiving break goals:
-do not eat too much!
-go grocery shopping with parents and weasle in some daily essentials along the way that are dwindling down (toothpaste, floss, facial cleanser, hair conditioner)
-read the industry books that are waiting for me at home
-take a look at the plays i left behind and read some more
-try to sell some items on ebay/amazon

I will work out tonight.  woo.

Survival Jobs & My Appearance & Randomness

Okay, so the phone interview went well.  I have to go in for an in-person interview probably in December and sentd my official SAT scores.  I don’t know if any of the other companies offer health benefits to their instructors, so this one would probably be good to work for.  Hopefully, I won’t have to sign some exclusivity contract so that I can work for more than one company.  The hourly pay at most of these places is pretty decent (and some much better than others), but I think the real trick will be finding enough hours to eventually make a meager living, pay off student loans,  eventually move to the city, and make sure I will have enough free time to go on auditions and what not.  Because hopefully I will have auditions to go on!

I also returned a phone call to another, younger company.  I get a great vibe from them, and they pay slightly better than this other company but probably don’t offer benefits.  I think my interviewer likes me so much that she has bypassed the instructor audition process for me and just wants to meet me in person before I start training!  Awesome!  I will meet with her late December, right before Christmas.  I can’t wait!  I feel so close to being hired.  I just want to be able to sit back and relax.

I’m still waiting to hear back from other companies.

On a different note, I had my eyebrows threaded a few weeks ago.  I think I’m going to back in another week to do it again.  My eyebrows look so pretty.  I’ve also started a new skincare regimen that is improving my complexion. So these are good things.

I had been working out regularly, but stopped once midterm season started.  So I think it’s about time to get back in the game.

I saw Equus on Broadway over the weekend, I forgot to mention.  And I’ll be seeing a student play tonight.  I need to work on my scenes a bit more and continue the search for a contemporary comedic monologue.

I’m starting freak out about grad school stuff, mainly the recommendation letters, since I took such a long hiatus from acting during college.  Blah.  New goals:  Finalize a list of schools, preferably by this weekend, but Monday by the latest.  On Tuesday, I will approach my professor no matter what and ask him in person, even if that means being 15-20 minutes late to my next class.  His response will most likely guide who else I will e-mail.  Hopefully, he will respond positively and not discourage me from applying.  I need to nail my second scene for him, just as I did with the first one.  This all must be done by Tuesday.

Realistically speaking… an update

Lack of updates!  School is so stressful.

So what’s new?  I’m single!

A friend of mine who is a professional photographer in NY took headshots for me.  The problem is that she took them for free but is very busy, so it will probably take a while before I see anything.  I will probably shell out real money for headshots by someone who does that specifically for a living, but I need to wait until I actually have said money!

The acting classes are going okay.  I present my second scene in advanced acting on Tuesday, and I’m nervous about that because the external work is challenging. I’m in the midst of working on my second scene for the P.A. class, but I’m having some trouble pushing myself into the action of the scene.  I think I need to tweak my as-ifs.  The professor will critique it on Tuesday, so Tuesday will be a nervous day.

As for my applications to grad school… I’m not really sure where I stand.  I e-mailed one of my professors asking for a recommendation letter, but I have yet to hear back.  I’ll see him on Tuesday, but I usually don’t have time to linger around after class to speak with him.  He’s also incredibly busy and, although I know he likes me, doesn’t know me very well.  Blah.  I suppose I can ask other professors for letters, but I thought he would be my best bet to seal the deal on the first one.  So that sucks.

I have doubts about applying.  That’s a lot of money for such small percentage acceptance rates.  And I feel like maybe my (fleeting) youth is something that be used to my advantage if I didn’t go.  Trying to obtain rec letters has been annoying.  Deadlines are creeping toward zero hour.  I don’t know.

I have all of my monologues now except for the comedic contemporary.  I was thinking of asking a professor or two to work on the monologues with me, assess which are the strongest, etc. if I end up applying.

I should be submitting to films in the local area much more often than I have been.  And I’ve been ignoring responses from areas that are annoying to get to via public transportation.  blah.

I’ve been aggressively pursuing test prep tutoring jobs (my target survival job).  One place turned me down, which I expected because my SAT math score was only in the 95%ile but they wanted people with 99%ile scores. At least I somehow managed to get an interview with them. Another interview went okay–I gave one rambling response that didn’t go over as well as I’d hoped.  A third interview (over the phone) went extremely well, and they’ve been chasing after me for an in-person interview.  The problem is that I have to find time to go to NYC again during school.  I have a fourth interview tomorrow.  It’ll be over the phone, and I’m hoping it will go well.  I think that if I somehow managed to work full-time for them, I would get health benefits (which I will probably need, since I don’t think my parents will be able to claim me as a dependent once I graduate this winter).  Annnd on top of all those interviews, I am going to submit my resume to a few more places.  I want to give myself as many options and opportunities as possible before I commit to anything.

I’ve been trying to focus on my academics, but it’s difficult since I can only think about my future.  I’m both nervous but excited.

On & On + Some Support

I presented a scene today in the adv. acting class:  the beginning of Oleanna by David Mamet.  It went over pretty well. I was pleased.  It was encouraging to receive such positive feedback.  We have two weeks to take our professor’s notes to improve it before we present it again.

I updated my former acting teacher on what I’ve been doing, and he was super supportive.

I’m having trouble successfully implementing lessons I’ve learned in my vocal production class.  Even if I relax and do some warm-ups beforehand, I still get nervous (all over again) when I perform.  I don’t think it’s overly noticeable, even though I tend to carry tension in my shoulders.  I’ve been working on that well, I think.  But my mouth becomes very dry when I feel nervous.  Dry mouth makes acting ten times harder than it should be.  Really.  It’s so annoying, and no one seems to be able to help me.  I’m starting to think that the only way to stop the dry mouth may be to stop getting nervous.  I don’t know how realistic it is to stop experiencing that.

I plan on getting head shots taken soon.

I’ve submitted to a few local projects, but I’m a little wary.

I’ve finally gotten around to working on Shakespeare monologues.

Now I just have to find a contemporary comedic monologue, and I will be set.

Oh, and most importantly, I told my mother that I am seriously considering acting professionally (or trying to do so) upon graduation.  Instead of resisting, she told me that she had suspected I wanted to do that once I got into the classes.  She said I’ll probably have to live at home (I live by NYC) and find some low-paying job to support myself financially (duh), but that I should get it out of my system anyway.  That was much easier than I had anticipated.  Then again, it’s easier with my mom.  I don’t know how my dad will take it.  I was so happy that my eyes started to tear.

That’s it for now!