New Year – Almost on my merry way!

Well, a very belated HAPPY NEW YEAR to everyone!

It’s final exam time here, so I will write this quickly.  Once I’m done with school, I keep telling myself, I will finally have enough free time to update this thing on a regular basis.  Whew.

Onwards…
– I auditioned for a conservatory in NYC in late December.  The audition went okay, not as well as I’d hoped.  I probably won’t be able to attend without a scholarship.  I feel like I probably got in but without any scholarship.  Of course, I’m probably being over-confident.  I just hope, in the very least, that I got in!

Also, I am tempted to reveal its name, but I think I am going to institute a new policy in this blog.  I’ve been following it for the most part, but now I’m going to write it down.  In the interest of not dwelling on the negative, I won’t name any names unless it reflects something positive in my acting career.  Furthermore, since I’m still building up the basis for my career (ie I’m not completely out there just yet devoting all my time to it, because I’m not done with school), I want to keep everything as anonymous as possible.  Just for my peace of mind.

– PA final scene = went wonderfully.  The best part about the PA professor is that he doesn’t hide his feelings.  If he’s disappointed with your work, you can see it on his face and hear it in his voice as he tries to give you helpful direction.  Conversely, if he’s happy with your work, you can tell right away and he will offer sincere compliments.  The latter occurred.  I was so relieved.  I bumped into him on the street the next day, and he not only said hi, but he remembered my name.  I guess that sounds silly, but since he’s kind of a big deal, he was absent for about half of our class working on something else.  Also, the class was fairly large, so we weren’t really a tight-knit group.  Anyway.  That was good.  The end.

– AA final monologue = blah.  I had trouble finding material, and I wasn’t in love with what I did.  Always bad.  The professor said that I should have chosen a stronger character instead of a vulnerable one, because I’m short and it already seems like I could do “vulnerable” given my size.  So something more feisty would be more effective, is what I understood him to say.  He kept referring to the Mamet scene I had done in September in a complimentary manner, which freaked me out, because shouldn’t I have improved from the beginning of the semester?  I’m flattered he loved my work then, but I wish I’d done a better job with the monologue or chosen a different one to show progress.  Also, I think I did well on every scene except the last, because I found Beckett so difficult.  And then not so great on the monologue.  On a positive side, he said that I’m a very economical actor, always believable, and that my gestures in the monologue were very meaningful and helped its intensity.  This is a personal feat, since I had been told in the past that I needed to work on my gestures.  The best part about it is that I had really been in the moment, and the gestures grew out of that.  So, great.

– Headshots!  I got new ones taken yesterday.  I really took a chance on this one.  I had them done in New England by professional photographers who are still looking to increase their business.  Good:  They were very willing to accommodate my needs.  The makeup artist was late, and they were cool with staying more than an hour longer than planned for the shoot.  They let me borrow a shirt for a third look and offered many great suggestions to help me look my best in how I wanted to come across in the photos.  Since they’re in New England, they weren’t too expensive.  Bad:  I’m pretty broke, so it was still a sizable hit to my bank account.    Okay, so they mainly do weddings.  I had to explain fundamental actor headshot rules to them (but they were willing to listen to, learn about, and implement my requests).  The makeup artist made me look too old, I think.  I usually look like a teenager, but I think I looked 20-something.  The photographers were so happy with the shoot (and eager to show their work), that a few hours later they posted a retouched image on their blog.  Bad for my google presence!  The picture is okayyy. I know that this isn’t the final product for me.  This was just for them to help promote their work.  I’m okay with that, I think.  I’ll get my photos in a week.  Hopefully, at least one or two good ones will help me book projects and find some representation.  Fingers crossed.  And then I’ll update my headshots with an experienced NYC headshot photographer.

– Upcoming:  two MFA auditions.  I feel conflicted about these, because I just want to get started on my career already.  There’s a 2% chance I’ll get into either one, I figure, and they’re two schools I would love to attend.  So… go team!

– Goals.  I need to rework my short- and long-term goals.  I fell a bit behind on the list I’d made over the summer.  More on goals in the next entry, hopefully!  Meanwhile, I need to study for finals, say my goodbyes, and work on my MFA audition material.  BLAHBLAHBLHABLAH

semester coming to a close (soon)

Ah, so I was feeling pretty down when I made my last post.  But then I had a final presentation of that scene, and it went over very well.  So I was pleased.  Today, I presented another scene that went over well, although I need to work on my tactics.  And it seems as though my Shakespeare monologue went better than I had anticipated.  My professor had written, “there are better monologues” on my text, which made me angry since she had never said anything before today.  But for our final, we had to write anonymous notes critiquing everyone.  The feedback I received was overwhelmingly positive.  I gave someone goosebumps!  If I can continue to stay out of my head and remain in the moment, I will be so happy.

I’m getting scared, because the semester is almost over, meaning I graduate soon.  The reality hasn’t completely set in yet, but I see flashes of it on the horizon.  ahhh!

I still have a final presentation of a scene, a Beckett scene, and a mock-audition with a monologue to work on.

Productivity

My PA scene was okay, but I really must do more work on it, especially physically.  I feel like I’m physically restricted sometimes, which is frustrating.  That said, my AA scene with an external went over better than I had expected.  But now I need to find a scene for the third round and begin work on it ASAP!

There was some drama in the (yes) drama department, when two of the most well-known professors decided to refuse to write rec letters for any undergrad due to their busy schedules.  So that sucks, especially since I have classes with both.  Today, I asked a teaching assistant who has seen my work in two classes (and a little bit in a third one) if she would write a letter for me, and she said she’d love to do that.  So that’s great, but I’m upset about not getting a letter from one professor in particular (AA).  He won’t even write a letter for a classmate who he had cast and directed in a show!

Today, I also scoped out books on auditioning, agents, and the industry/business in general.  I’ve requested a bunch of books from the school library (I’m trying to utilize this resource as much as possible before I graduate in January).  I’ve also been using Paperback swap a lot, which is a great tip for broke people whose libraries have limited resources.  There are some drawbacks, such as the varying condition of the books and a limited variety in general of books (although new ones are added everyday).  I just think it’s a great way to save money.  You pay shipping costs to get something new while you get rid of something old.  Everyone is happy!
I did some more research on schools, and I’m trying to finalize a list.  I don’t knowwww, it’s tough cutting schools out of the list, but I know that I can’t afford to apply to more than just a few.  I want to stay in the NYC area, but I don’t want to limit myself.  Also, I think I should find a coach for my auditions.  I asked one professor from school, but she just started rehearsals for something and is too busy.  Ugh. I need to find one last monologue still.

It’s almost Thanksgiving time!  Here are some Thanksgiving break goals:
-do not eat too much!
-go grocery shopping with parents and weasle in some daily essentials along the way that are dwindling down (toothpaste, floss, facial cleanser, hair conditioner)
-read the industry books that are waiting for me at home
-take a look at the plays i left behind and read some more
-try to sell some items on ebay/amazon

I will work out tonight.  woo.

Survival Jobs & My Appearance & Randomness

Okay, so the phone interview went well.  I have to go in for an in-person interview probably in December and sentd my official SAT scores.  I don’t know if any of the other companies offer health benefits to their instructors, so this one would probably be good to work for.  Hopefully, I won’t have to sign some exclusivity contract so that I can work for more than one company.  The hourly pay at most of these places is pretty decent (and some much better than others), but I think the real trick will be finding enough hours to eventually make a meager living, pay off student loans,  eventually move to the city, and make sure I will have enough free time to go on auditions and what not.  Because hopefully I will have auditions to go on!

I also returned a phone call to another, younger company.  I get a great vibe from them, and they pay slightly better than this other company but probably don’t offer benefits.  I think my interviewer likes me so much that she has bypassed the instructor audition process for me and just wants to meet me in person before I start training!  Awesome!  I will meet with her late December, right before Christmas.  I can’t wait!  I feel so close to being hired.  I just want to be able to sit back and relax.

I’m still waiting to hear back from other companies.

On a different note, I had my eyebrows threaded a few weeks ago.  I think I’m going to back in another week to do it again.  My eyebrows look so pretty.  I’ve also started a new skincare regimen that is improving my complexion. So these are good things.

I had been working out regularly, but stopped once midterm season started.  So I think it’s about time to get back in the game.

I saw Equus on Broadway over the weekend, I forgot to mention.  And I’ll be seeing a student play tonight.  I need to work on my scenes a bit more and continue the search for a contemporary comedic monologue.

I’m starting freak out about grad school stuff, mainly the recommendation letters, since I took such a long hiatus from acting during college.  Blah.  New goals:  Finalize a list of schools, preferably by this weekend, but Monday by the latest.  On Tuesday, I will approach my professor no matter what and ask him in person, even if that means being 15-20 minutes late to my next class.  His response will most likely guide who else I will e-mail.  Hopefully, he will respond positively and not discourage me from applying.  I need to nail my second scene for him, just as I did with the first one.  This all must be done by Tuesday.

Realistically speaking… an update

Lack of updates!  School is so stressful.

So what’s new?  I’m single!

A friend of mine who is a professional photographer in NY took headshots for me.  The problem is that she took them for free but is very busy, so it will probably take a while before I see anything.  I will probably shell out real money for headshots by someone who does that specifically for a living, but I need to wait until I actually have said money!

The acting classes are going okay.  I present my second scene in advanced acting on Tuesday, and I’m nervous about that because the external work is challenging. I’m in the midst of working on my second scene for the P.A. class, but I’m having some trouble pushing myself into the action of the scene.  I think I need to tweak my as-ifs.  The professor will critique it on Tuesday, so Tuesday will be a nervous day.

As for my applications to grad school… I’m not really sure where I stand.  I e-mailed one of my professors asking for a recommendation letter, but I have yet to hear back.  I’ll see him on Tuesday, but I usually don’t have time to linger around after class to speak with him.  He’s also incredibly busy and, although I know he likes me, doesn’t know me very well.  Blah.  I suppose I can ask other professors for letters, but I thought he would be my best bet to seal the deal on the first one.  So that sucks.

I have doubts about applying.  That’s a lot of money for such small percentage acceptance rates.  And I feel like maybe my (fleeting) youth is something that be used to my advantage if I didn’t go.  Trying to obtain rec letters has been annoying.  Deadlines are creeping toward zero hour.  I don’t know.

I have all of my monologues now except for the comedic contemporary.  I was thinking of asking a professor or two to work on the monologues with me, assess which are the strongest, etc. if I end up applying.

I should be submitting to films in the local area much more often than I have been.  And I’ve been ignoring responses from areas that are annoying to get to via public transportation.  blah.

I’ve been aggressively pursuing test prep tutoring jobs (my target survival job).  One place turned me down, which I expected because my SAT math score was only in the 95%ile but they wanted people with 99%ile scores. At least I somehow managed to get an interview with them. Another interview went okay–I gave one rambling response that didn’t go over as well as I’d hoped.  A third interview (over the phone) went extremely well, and they’ve been chasing after me for an in-person interview.  The problem is that I have to find time to go to NYC again during school.  I have a fourth interview tomorrow.  It’ll be over the phone, and I’m hoping it will go well.  I think that if I somehow managed to work full-time for them, I would get health benefits (which I will probably need, since I don’t think my parents will be able to claim me as a dependent once I graduate this winter).  Annnd on top of all those interviews, I am going to submit my resume to a few more places.  I want to give myself as many options and opportunities as possible before I commit to anything.

I’ve been trying to focus on my academics, but it’s difficult since I can only think about my future.  I’m both nervous but excited.

On & On + Some Support

I presented a scene today in the adv. acting class:  the beginning of Oleanna by David Mamet.  It went over pretty well. I was pleased.  It was encouraging to receive such positive feedback.  We have two weeks to take our professor’s notes to improve it before we present it again.

I updated my former acting teacher on what I’ve been doing, and he was super supportive.

I’m having trouble successfully implementing lessons I’ve learned in my vocal production class.  Even if I relax and do some warm-ups beforehand, I still get nervous (all over again) when I perform.  I don’t think it’s overly noticeable, even though I tend to carry tension in my shoulders.  I’ve been working on that well, I think.  But my mouth becomes very dry when I feel nervous.  Dry mouth makes acting ten times harder than it should be.  Really.  It’s so annoying, and no one seems to be able to help me.  I’m starting to think that the only way to stop the dry mouth may be to stop getting nervous.  I don’t know how realistic it is to stop experiencing that.

I plan on getting head shots taken soon.

I’ve submitted to a few local projects, but I’m a little wary.

I’ve finally gotten around to working on Shakespeare monologues.

Now I just have to find a contemporary comedic monologue, and I will be set.

Oh, and most importantly, I told my mother that I am seriously considering acting professionally (or trying to do so) upon graduation.  Instead of resisting, she told me that she had suspected I wanted to do that once I got into the classes.  She said I’ll probably have to live at home (I live by NYC) and find some low-paying job to support myself financially (duh), but that I should get it out of my system anyway.  That was much easier than I had anticipated.  Then again, it’s easier with my mom.  I don’t know how my dad will take it.  I was so happy that my eyes started to tear.

That’s it for now!

So busy!

My, oh, my!  School has been extremely time-consuming lately.  I’ll keep this short.

I auditioned for maybe five shows, was called back for one, but did not get the part.  Not a big surprise, since the community is so tight knit (read: a clique).  Also, I don’t think I made strong enough choices when I auditioned for some shows.  But that’s that.

Good news:  I got into the advanced acting class.  It’s a little awkward, since everyone else knows each other.  In this twelve person class, I definitely feel like the outsider.  It’s pretty intimidating, and I really do feel as though the pressure is on to step up my game to prove my worthiness.  It was competitive to get into the class, and it really showcases some of the strongest actors on campus.  I’m honored I got in.  I know that some people are like “who are you??? where did you come from???” but most are being nice.

I lotteried into the Practical Aesthetics class.  The professor is brilliant.  I’m so glad I’m taking this class.  I can’t wait to apply this technique.

I’m also taking a vocal production class.  The progress will be slow, but I’m looking forward to fixing some of my bad habits.  I need to breathe more!

Other than that, it’s been hard getting myself together for the future.  I haven’t worked out as often as I had planned.  I don’t want to take headshots until I lose some weight.  I’m by no means overweight, but my face is somewhat round.  And I just want it to come across as thin.  Nevermind the fact that keeping fit is important!  But really, I feel paralyzed without head shots.  Blah.

I just checked in with my original list of short and long term goals.  I think I’m on track for the most part.  But if I want to audition for grad schools, I will have to work harder.  School has gotten me a little bit off track.

Until next time!

Classes are starting

I have two auditions for classes on Tuesday.

The old version of the monologue that I found a few days ago actually works pretty well for me.  By the end, I cry like a baby.  The prep doesn’t take very long.  The length feels just right.  It ends naturally.  I’m cautiously elated.

If I can perform this monologue in the auditions the way I have been, then I feel fairly confident about getting into at least one of the classes.  Then again, I’m not sure if I’ll be asked to perform the monologue at one of the auditions.  I only know for certain that we’ll be doing monologues at one audition.

We’ll see.  I’m feeling nervous but also confident.  I know I have the potential to deliver, but I’m not sure if I’ll be able to overcome my nerves in order to actually deliver.

I’ve put the other monologues on the back burner for the moment, so that I could focus on honing my technique by reading acting books and by practicing the Sooze monologue.  My goal is to take an acting class here.  I know that there’s a good chance I won’t be accepted, since so many people audition and they take very few.  But I think that I have a good chance.

Anyway, that’s it for now.  I should know my fate by Wednesday.  And on Thursday, I can interview to try to get into the Voice class.  So if I don’t get into either acting class, then hopefully I can talk my way into the Voice class.

this fire is burning

It’s so crazy to me that, in one month’s time, I will be back stateside. Today, I had a last meeting with my coach before I see her in NYC in about two months.

I trained a little, worked on my monologue, and learned some things about myself.

A listing of her comments, just so that I can store them away: a fine actor, especially good for film. very fresh, would be able to deliver in very few takes but might have trouble keeping it fresh with many takes. needs voice work. has an ethereal quality, reminds her of a young meryl streep. much potential. solid base but must work on technique. obvious for ophelia. extremely truthful.

The one thing that really stood out to me is that I need to work on my voice. And just my luck, my school will be offering a voice class this fall. So I can either try to get into this class or hire a coach, which could be costly.

This means that in the two months before I see her again, I need to have chosen three additional monologues (contemporary comedic, classical comedic, classical dramatic). This requires that I read A LOT of plays. I also would like to read some books on acting technique while I wait. I want to have my total of four monologues chosen before classes start up in the fall.

In addition, I will audition for two acting classes, a bunch of plays, and perhaps some student films. I will get my head shots done and submit to casting directors, agents, and managers in the New England area. I will interview for the voice class. I might enter into the lottery for another acting class. Hopefully, something will stick and reaffirm this conviction of mine.

I stepped out of the underground public transportation system yesterday to go to my internship, to find a movie filmed right there. Magic.

I am Sooze, finally

I did a lot of reading while on a weekend trip to a steamy southern location and came across a monologue a former acting teacher had always wanted me to do. It’s Sooze’s monologue from Eric Bogosian’s SubUrbia.

Something about the monologue had always turned me off. I think it’s because Sooze speaks in detail about the death of her brother who had Downs Syndrome. It made me feel uneasy. But upon rereading the play, rediscovering the monologue… it just felt right. Immediately, I knew that I had to switch my audition monologue to this one. I had been waiting for a monologue to click with me, and finally something did.

I discussed my former fear of this monologue with my coach. She said that recently a student of hers had performed it for a class. The student had cut out the beginning, where Sooze explains that her brother had Downs Syndrome. I guess it made her feel uncomfortable too. But we agreed that those beginning lines are important to the story and to the character. I’m glad that I’ve reached a point where I’m no longer afraid of this monologue. It’s beautiful. It’s poignant. And I really feel for Sooze throughout the entire play.

I don’t know if I’m speaking too soon, but I had some sort of a breakthrough with my coach a few days ago. I did a relaxation exercise, a breathing exercise using my monologue, and some associations. Although I was at first somewhat skeptical, the work really helped in the end. My coach was very happy with my work. I was very happy. We laughed. I cried. It was good.

There rest still a few concerns. I don’t think there’s enough of an arc in the monologue. I think it’s too monotone, if that makes sense. My coach said that I deliver it in a way that is very real, so the audience would go anywhere with me. But I don’t fully agree.

I have my work cut out for me.
I’m also waiting for another shipment of plays and another acting book. I want to find my contemporary comedic monologue as soon as possible. Then, onto the classics!

I’m already bracing myself for my university’s drama course and play auditions in the fall. I can do this!