this fire is burning

It’s so crazy to me that, in one month’s time, I will be back stateside. Today, I had a last meeting with my coach before I see her in NYC in about two months.

I trained a little, worked on my monologue, and learned some things about myself.

A listing of her comments, just so that I can store them away: a fine actor, especially good for film. very fresh, would be able to deliver in very few takes but might have trouble keeping it fresh with many takes. needs voice work. has an ethereal quality, reminds her of a young meryl streep. much potential. solid base but must work on technique. obvious for ophelia. extremely truthful.

The one thing that really stood out to me is that I need to work on my voice. And just my luck, my school will be offering a voice class this fall. So I can either try to get into this class or hire a coach, which could be costly.

This means that in the two months before I see her again, I need to have chosen three additional monologues (contemporary comedic, classical comedic, classical dramatic). This requires that I read A LOT of plays. I also would like to read some books on acting technique while I wait. I want to have my total of four monologues chosen before classes start up in the fall.

In addition, I will audition for two acting classes, a bunch of plays, and perhaps some student films. I will get my head shots done and submit to casting directors, agents, and managers in the New England area. I will interview for the voice class. I might enter into the lottery for another acting class. Hopefully, something will stick and reaffirm this conviction of mine.

I stepped out of the underground public transportation system yesterday to go to my internship, to find a movie filmed right there. Magic.

Current Short- and Long- Term Goals

All right, so I have decided that in order to do this, I need to set some long-term and short-term goals.  I don’t know how productive my plan will be, but these are all things I feel I need to do.

So here they are, with some explanations:

SHORT TERM

- Read as many plays as possible this summer and come up with at least two strong, contrasting monologues. This is not as easy as it seems, since I am currently living in a non-anglophone country where it is difficult to find reading material in English.  I recently bought a considerable amount of plays, thanks to amazon.  Once they arrive, I will start to read them and thus commence my search.

- Reconnect with the craft. My own confidence in my talent has diminished a tad with this current acting hiatus.  I will read the books I bought for inspiration, learn from classes, and benefit from private coaching.  I will practice my monologues.  I will polish and hone my technique.

- Draft a list of schools.  I have a general idea of which schools I would like to apply to, all on the east coast and most in the NYC area.  There are MFA programs and there are conservatories.  I need to figure out the benefits of going to one instead of the other.  Which have showcases?  Are they frequently attended by industry professionals or do students have to do publicity to get a good turn-out?  Are past/current students happy?  Will I be prepared to enter the business?  Do they offer financial aid or scholarship? So many questions.  But I figure, it can’t hurt to apply.

LONG TERM

- Get involved again. I have not tried to break into the theater clique at school (and from what I understand, it really is a clique).  But I will try out for shows, audition for classes, and pay special attention to casting calls for student films.  In addition, I will try to get involved in theater and film in the area (I go to school in New England).

- Start to put myself “out there.” I desperately need new headshots.  So that’s first, along with updating the resume.  Next, I should do mailings to casting directors, agents, and managers (mainly in the New England area).  I would like to make a little bit of a mark in this region before I head out to a much larger, more unforgiving one.

- Continue to work on audition material. This probably means coaching and classes.  Must have four monologues (two classical, two contemporary, contrasting in nature) and one 16-bar song.  I have never taken voice classes, so the song will be a challenge.

- Figure out when to graduate. I can graduate either after fall semester or in the more traditional spring.  While I receive excellent financial aid from my current college, spending the spring semester there will still cost a pretty penny.  By not going, I will save myself and my parents some money.  By going, I will buy myself extra time, training, and experience before thrusting myself into the real world.  Similarly, I should look into tutoring (various subjects, SATs) and teaching English as a second language over the Internet as possible survival jobs.

- Finalize a list of schools. After some additional training, experience, and research, I will hopefully be able to create an intelligent list of schools.

- Apply. Fill out applications online and collect all relevant material.  This includes writing a personal statement as well as getting 1-3 letters of recommendation.  Blah.  Next, schedule an audition.

- Audition. This probably won’t be pretty, but I bet it will be an exhilarating learning experience.  After this step, I will need to pause, reevaluate, and adapt accordingly with a new set of goals.

An Explanation of the Past

It feels odd to me that the last time in my life I felt so driven to pursue this passion was when I was in high school.  I was so young.  Did I peak then?  I hope not.

The first time I realized that I might possibly have any talent was when I was eight years old.  As I played the main character in a short play from a textbook, a substitute teacher instructed me to call a well-known theater in the area to see if they needed any child actors.  I told my mother, but she never called.  Through the years, I found myself showered with praise whenever in a position to play a part.  Summer camps and acting schools soon became my favorite haunts.

At thirteen, I started taking classes with a certain teacher who really opened my eyes.  I suppose he saw potential in me.  After a few weeks, he placed me in a different, much more advanced class and helped me to get cast in an independent film.  I was the youngest in the class, where most students were between the ages of sixteen and eighteen.  I stayed in the class for five years.  There, we practiced scenes, monologues, commercials, and audition technique among other dramatic aspects.  We primarily studied and practiced the work of Sanford Meisner but also Uta Hagen, Stella Adler, and a little bit of Lee Strasberg.

It was exhilerating.  I acted and directed in plays in high school.  I voraciously read books about the history of theater and the ideas of different teachers. I could never get enough.  It consumed my daily thoughts.

By fifteen, I landed a manager.  Unfortunately, I had awful head shots and limited opportunities to go into the city for auditions.  With two working parents, school commitments, and limited access to transportation, I had trouble attending auditions even with a few days notice.

When it came time to apply to college, my drama teacher encouraged me to apply to and audition for top schools to get my BFA.  This caused my parents to become both worried and kind of angry.  They liked that theater was my hobby, but thought that pursuing it any further would be a waste.  Without their financial support, I knew it would be impossible for me to attend any undergraduate conservatory.

In effect, I abandoned my dream.  I did not apply to even one school for a BFA.  I went on to one of the best universities in the country, where I will soon receive my BA.

My disappointment turned into a fear of doing anything theater-related.  I was afraid that if I participated in theater while in college, I would realize it was my life’s calling.  And I knew that was no longer an option for me, especially after my parents’ reaction.

But I wasn’t able to stay away from it for very long.  On vacations, I visited my old acting school.  And I began to appear in student films on campus.  Still, I did not do very much and would consciously stay away from auditions due to my silly fear.

Now, I’ve been abroad for about six months. I haven’t acted in a while, which is what refueled my interest.  Mentally, I felt restless and un-centered.  And I knew it was because I had not done any acting in a while, not even an audition.  Thankfully, I will soon be taking classes.  When I return State-side in a few months, I intend to continue to grow as an actor.

I’m rusty, but I’m ready.  I have confidence in my natural instincts as an actor, but I am aware that my I need to hone and polish my skills. I am young enough that I believe I can still take risks in my life to follow my passion.  But I am fully aware that if I wait a few years, this will pass me by.

The time is now.  Come January, I plan on auditioning for a number of conservatory and MFA programs.  I have not yet decided upon my audition material, nor to which schools I will apply.

This is the first leg of the journey.  I am excited!