It feels odd to me that the last time in my life I felt so driven to pursue this passion was when I was in high school. I was so young. Did I peak then? I hope not.
The first time I realized that I might possibly have any talent was when I was eight years old. As I played the main character in a short play from a textbook, a substitute teacher instructed me to call a well-known theater in the area to see if they needed any child actors. I told my mother, but she never called. Through the years, I found myself showered with praise whenever in a position to play a part. Summer camps and acting schools soon became my favorite haunts.
At thirteen, I started taking classes with a certain teacher who really opened my eyes. I suppose he saw potential in me. After a few weeks, he placed me in a different, much more advanced class and helped me to get cast in an independent film. I was the youngest in the class, where most students were between the ages of sixteen and eighteen. I stayed in the class for five years. There, we practiced scenes, monologues, commercials, and audition technique among other dramatic aspects. We primarily studied and practiced the work of Sanford Meisner but also Uta Hagen, Stella Adler, and a little bit of Lee Strasberg.
It was exhilerating. I acted and directed in plays in high school. I voraciously read books about the history of theater and the ideas of different teachers. I could never get enough. It consumed my daily thoughts.
By fifteen, I landed a manager. Unfortunately, I had awful head shots and limited opportunities to go into the city for auditions. With two working parents, school commitments, and limited access to transportation, I had trouble attending auditions even with a few days notice.
When it came time to apply to college, my drama teacher encouraged me to apply to and audition for top schools to get my BFA. This caused my parents to become both worried and kind of angry. They liked that theater was my hobby, but thought that pursuing it any further would be a waste. Without their financial support, I knew it would be impossible for me to attend any undergraduate conservatory.
In effect, I abandoned my dream. I did not apply to even one school for a BFA. I went on to one of the best universities in the country, where I will soon receive my BA.
My disappointment turned into a fear of doing anything theater-related. I was afraid that if I participated in theater while in college, I would realize it was my life’s calling. And I knew that was no longer an option for me, especially after my parents’ reaction.
But I wasn’t able to stay away from it for very long. On vacations, I visited my old acting school. And I began to appear in student films on campus. Still, I did not do very much and would consciously stay away from auditions due to my silly fear.
Now, I’ve been abroad for about six months. I haven’t acted in a while, which is what refueled my interest. Mentally, I felt restless and un-centered. And I knew it was because I had not done any acting in a while, not even an audition. Thankfully, I will soon be taking classes. When I return State-side in a few months, I intend to continue to grow as an actor.
I’m rusty, but I’m ready. I have confidence in my natural instincts as an actor, but I am aware that my I need to hone and polish my skills. I am young enough that I believe I can still take risks in my life to follow my passion. But I am fully aware that if I wait a few years, this will pass me by.
The time is now. Come January, I plan on auditioning for a number of conservatory and MFA programs. I have not yet decided upon my audition material, nor to which schools I will apply.
This is the first leg of the journey. I am excited!
Posted by mLc 